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| Outcasts (TV Series 2010) |
Hey, let's take a thousand people (Two thousand? Three thousand? I don't
know, you only always see the same dozen people), launch them to another
star system, make them live in a hell hole made out of cargo ship
containers and handball courts and place them under the leadership of
compulsively secretive nut jobs, each with a sordid past of their own.
Where were the psych screenings when they put this crew together?
I
wish I had a nickel every time somebody says, "Don't tell anyone about
this" and "I can't tell you that."
Let's throw in a gang of exiled genetically modified personae non gratae, the Outcasts outcasts, who are not only the most miserable lot of sad sacks, but also somehow created a baby, even though you never see any genetically modified women.
Let's throw in a gang of exiled genetically modified personae non gratae, the Outcasts outcasts, who are not only the most miserable lot of sad sacks, but also somehow created a baby, even though you never see any genetically modified women.
Oh, there's a baffling atmospheric problem that only blows up
approaching ships that are carrying nice guy colonists, but bad guys who
have come to take over have no problem getting through.
Plus, there's ridiculous power struggles between the two law enforcement
groups within the colony (the 'cop' guys and the 'army' guys). They
keep arresting each other, backstabbing each other and/or beating each
other up.
After the first two or three episodes, it becomes 'lie, do something
sneaky, beat each other up, rinse, repeat'. The only thing that ever
changes is the fact that they seem to make a conscious effort to show
the Security Head Lady prance down a corridor in a new and sassy
military tailored jacket (but not quite a uniform) in the beginning of
each show.
*****
 | |
| Green Wing (TV Series 2004) |
Gratuitous fast forward and slow motion gimmick
combined with vignettes where the characters barely have the chemistry
of a casting call first read. Move on to something else, lest you hate
all of England based on this foolishness.
 |
| Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) |
I've done some weird things to pay the bills but, seriously, what problem is once respectable actor
John Turturro financing to be a clown in these movies? What does Michael
Bay have on Frances McDormand, John Malkovich and BUZZ FREAKIN' ALDRIN
for them to prostitute their legacies in this toilet?
*****
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| Immortals (2011) |
Other than a brief visit with Freida Pinto's amazing behind (even if
it's a body double, amazing is amazing), this is just another very well
made bad movie. Between the ridiculous (and useless) fashion
designer helmets and the moronic battle strategies, this should just be
called 'The 301... Ways To Smash Somebody's Head'.
 |
| 200 Motels (1971) |
Sorry, Frank (posthumously), I had to shut it off around the eight minute mark. The high speed
back'n'forth Benny Hill 'effect' was just too much. Zappa is indeed a
genius and the music in this 'film' is great, but the home made amateur
quality is just a shameful waste of precious footage.
You are much better off watching Frank Zappa: Apostrophe/Over-Nite
Sensation. A wonderful documentary that showcases Zappa, his family,
many of his long time brilliant band members and session producers. Keep
an eye out for Ruth Underwood, who played those frantic signature
vibraphone riffs in so many Zappa creations.
*****
 |
| GI Joe: Rise Of Cobra (2009) |
Three
quarters into this I realized I was watching a live action version of
Team America. They screw up and/or get their butts kicked in every
encounter. What a bunch of covert over-funded losers.
Now you know... and knowing is half the battle.
*****
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| Starcrash (1979) |
*****
